Your Conflict Style
What do you actually do when things get heated?
A 2-minute test that reveals how you handle conflict in close relationships — and what the people who fight with you experience. Answer with your gut; the first instinct is the real one.
Find my conflict styleFrequently asked
How long does this quiz take?
About 2-3 minutes. Eight short questions, answer with your gut.
What are the four conflict styles?
The Retreater (needs space to cool down), the Pursuer (wants to resolve it now), the Mender (repairs the bond first), and the Negotiator (looks for the fair solution). Most people lead with one and shift under stress.
Where does the framework come from?
It's inspired by relationship research on conflict and the well-known pursue-withdraw pattern (John Gottman; Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy). This test is not affiliated with or endorsed by those researchers or any clinical instrument — we wrote our own questions and results in our own voice.
Can my partner and I take it together?
That's the best way to use it. Comparing your two styles — especially a Retreater paired with a Pursuer — explains a lot of recurring fights and gives you shared language for them.
Is this a clinical or therapeutic assessment?
No. It's for self-reflection and better conversations, not a diagnosis or a substitute for couples therapy. If conflict in your relationship feels unsafe, reach out to a qualified professional.
Are my answers stored?
Only if you finish — we save the result so you get a shareable link. We don't collect personal info; the test is fully anonymous.